From: stu
Sent: 14 March 2007 15:59
To: xxxxxxx@xx.com';
Subject: RE: reply from juicyfruithippo
Sent: 14 March 2007 15:59
To: xxxxxxx@xx.com';
Subject: RE: reply from juicyfruithippo
You tell me you have lost your mirth
I hear this quite a lot,
Take a look around your girth,
That is where it’s got.
The number who are well informed
Is not horrifically high
But trust me, fun can be reformed
And it's calorifically high
It’s often thought to be low fat
Like extra light mayonnaise dips
But never trust a diet joke
It’ll still go straight to your hips.
So, take it from someone who has
A bottom the size of Namibia
It’s better to have laughed and lost
Than to be skinny and have Chlamydia!
From: xxxxxxx@xxx.com
Sent: 12 March 2007 15:08
To: stu
Subject: E-Mail from website
Sent: 12 March 2007 15:08
To: stu
Subject: E-Mail from website
Dear Mr Fruithippo,
I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth.
So it was was trouser-darkening excitement that I came across your, er, for want of a better word, portal.
Actually, "mellifluous" is a better word, per se, it just doesn't carry the same meaning.
Anyway, I have a small quantity of embarrassing, if not to say, delicate, personal problems that I'd be happy to have publicly aired within a case study, illustrating just what a miserable, cheerless and joyless character I am.
The thing is, and here's the nub of it, I just can't forgive cucumbers. The promises they make with their sleek, silky, mottled green skins, their juicy nature and crisp tendency are so appealing, so alluring and then when one sinks one's pearly whites into a slice, slavering and expectant, they just taste shit.
Jerusalem artuchokes and hateful too, but just for their personal hygeine.
Can something be done? A mirth audit would be good. As would bathing in a hot cauldron of garlic butter singing Andy Willaim's songs, but that club shut down after the coppers raided it.
Yours etc,
Jeremy Chumfatty