Badgersoft, a leading software company that specialises in mapping, simulating and predicting outbreaks of bovine tuberculosis for Defra and a successful painting and decorating business in their home town of Darlington, have recently adopted risk reintegration into their back office systems. The newly installed Dali processor immediately set to work by randomly substituting the words Cauliflower, Casserole and Constantinople within key database entries pertaining to national mammal tracking inputs and Dulux colour choices.

 

The issue was spotted quickly when a vet was called to an incident in Shropshire England, near London, where he was asked to perform a mercy killing on a bag of shopping that had fallen from an open top Ocado van. The staff at the command centre in Watford had to quickly identify the modified entries by creating a worm based software patch that routed out obviously factual errors in the SQL metadata.

 

On later analysis it transpired that the “Dali Processor” had only inserted 14 modifications but the software worm located and corrected 9778 lines of error in the super structure of the incoherent data stack. This highlighted that a server in the comms room had in fact been misreading the names of mammalian life forms and trying to auto correct using only a rudimentary knowledge of the children’s television series Chigley, which it had gleaned from a 15 second internet connection in 1996. Head of data protection Wendy Miller ended up saving thousands of man hours by identifying the problem earlier rather than later and was further aided by the innovative approach to the solution (which was initially an idea from her hair stylist Barry).